I journaled a lot, and it helped. Especially to go back and realize how much of the issue I had created in my own head, and apply it to other situations to calm myself.
Briefly reading what you said about the first boyfriend and this current one - it looks like you're attracted to abusive relationship. If this is true, the danger is that you become comfortable relating in that way for the sake of that "connection".
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Let's say I'm right. You could contact him and say something like
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Please guide me and share what you guys honestly think of this situation and how it can be handled?
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I have a better offer for you - Don't tell him, but always!! Always try to remember what you did, and be nicer to him when hard times come. Be a better wife, love him more, and forgive him for mistakes he will make in the future. So, in this equation he doesn't get the perfect honesty, but he gets a better wife that can forgive and to treat him better in the future. This is a much better deal for him than the deal of "telling him now for clearing your guilt".
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